REACHES DEEP INTO THE
INTERNAL INEXPLICABLE KNOWLEDGE AND TRUTH
RECONNECTING AND RESTORING
OUR HEARTS, MINDS AND HUMANNESS
(all names and identifying details have been changed)
"When it comes to our SFD's [shitty first draft], it's important that we don't filter the experience, polish our words, or worry about how our story makes us look ... We can't get to our brave new ending if we start from an inauthentic place".
ABOUT _ THE JOURNAL
THESE ARE UNEDITED, INTIMATE, NO FLUFF POSTS.
They reveal a kind of humanness that lights a way to remember strengths, truths and answers through unrelenting vulnerability and openness. Born from a desire to live beyond just surviving, masking and going along with things. To strive and revel in our brilliant neurologies. To embrace wholeheartedly who I am – who my child is. There's no more room to wait for loved ones or the world to catch onto this. WE DON'T HAVE TIME!
An autistics lifespan is between 35 and 55 years!
Holy Crap! That's my child's life expectancy. This is my life expectancy. This is my friends and family and millions of others life expectancy, and I'm not okay with this. And it is not Autism that kills us ... so what does?
It has taken true grit termination and guts I never knew I had.
To follow my intuition and turn my focus away from societies, friends, family's and my own pressures to work out how to support my child and me to KNOW, DIRECT and MASTER OUR LIVES according to OUR INDIVIDUAL needs, wants and desires and MARVEL in our neurologies.
The truth is, only a few years ago, we both thought death was the only way too.
We nearly become a statistic and would not have known why. All I knew what to do at the time was to get typing. So that's what I did. I didn't have the time or want, but I knew I had to. My "brilliant intuitive guide" [intuition] knew writing about my day–to–day living was bigger than me. I worked through deep pain, emotional and mental torment due to a wide range of complexities my situation brought.
I felt it was important to record my lived experiences in case it could be helpful.
I knew in my heart we were not alone. It's so incredible how far we have come, HOW MANY FREEDOMS WE NOW ENJOY! I record that too!! I still keep typing. There are approximately 300 posts (all identifiers, names, dates etc. changed for anonymity and privacy) ready to be shared. They'll be released throughout the coming months as I am slowly but surely #TAKETHEMASKOFF.
What my child and I have discovered so far and continue to learn ...
To abandon our "brilliant intuitive guide" that protects, nurtures and shows us how to revel in our brilliant neurology makes us vulnerable to abuse sickness and death. To live up to others expectations exceeds our capabilities and cripples us. To appease and accommodate others demands distract us from mastering our super focus's (special interests). To pressure us to fit into society, to 'normalise us' disconnects us from self–care, regulation and identity and to correct who we violate all our personal rights.
If I want to live differently – I've got to DO different.
I am to be MY DIFFERENT. I'm to allow room for and love my child's DIFFERENT. When we do this, we discover wonder, laughter, insight, compassion, understanding, magnificence and brilliance. It's okay to face and give time to our vulnerabilities and embrace grief and loss and all other ugly bits and bobs to find courage and love where we thought there were none. We found an abundance of love. There's is a lot of rip-roaring fun, laughter and freedom to be enjoyed.
So we continue to work at it in our individual ways.
"To pretend that we can get to help, generous and brave without navigating through tough emotions like desperation, shame, and panic are profoundly dangerous and misguided assumption ... we’d be better off learning how to recognise the beauty in truth and tenacity."
– BRENE' BROWN –