Deep Asking Deeply
Understanding, healing & transforming our ND Trauma
When I am upset or disturbed by some–thing; a place, a situation, a friend, family member, acquaintance, stranger, service, professional, program, community, educational setting, institution etc, big or small I have a closer look. I wonder what's REALLY going on within me that disturbs me? These upsets or disturbances are my ND bodies way to get my attention that there's thinking within me that seeks to be SEEN, HEARD and TRANSFORMED. Deep Asking Deeply takes me to my deeper thoughts and where I find out what's REALLY upsetting me and why.
Whatever is upsetting me NOW can reflect something in my past is yet to be deeply seen, understood, healed and transformed.
And sometimes, as I embrace beliefs, values, ideas and a way of life that align with my beautiful and individual identity, culture and flow there's old memories, experiences, fears and doubts derailing the right path for me and/or my young beloved.
For example my OCD's, full of fear, trying to protect me, scream out repeatedly to stop whenever I think or do something new. Thinking a new or doing a new loving and kind thing for myself or young beloved increases our sense of safety, security, health and wellbeing, yet my trauma will tell me otherwise to protect me 'where not going back there'
I LIST ANY MEMORIES OF PAST EXPERIENCES IF THEY COME UP AS I AM ANSWERING THE QUESTIONS – THEY USUALLY RELATE TO THE CURRENT DISTURBANCE AND UNHEALED
(My past experiences that were distressing is where Neurodivergent trauma resides)
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
WHEN I'M READY – I CAN START
I first recognise and identify a disturbance, big or small, which I can't quite work out, shake, get over or forget and I ask myself, what happened, keeping it at short as possible. I address one disturbance at a time. If other things are going on in my life that pop up, I can make a list of them somewhere separate and take them through Deep Asking Deeply one at a time later on.
For example;
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'I can't stop over eating – smoking – drinking etc'
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'My friends didn't invited me to their get together'
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'My partner – or friend – called me a f**king c**t'
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'I'm accused I stole my beloved from their Other Parent'
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'When my beloved won't leave the house I'm told I should throw them into the car'
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'I'm told I should just say "no" to my beloved'
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'They relentlessly demand we catch up to talk'
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'I can't get my beloved to brush their teeth'
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'I'm told I should socialise myself and/or my beloved differently'
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'I haven't heard back from ....'
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'My In-Law call me "a thing"
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'They said I'm doing it all wrong'
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'I should just get over it ...'
1 – WHAT HAPPENED?
(Keep this short and to the point – one issue at a time)
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
2 – WHAT DID I DO IN RESPONSE?
(What action did or didn't take OR would I like to take?)
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
3 – WHY DID I DO WHAT I DID?
(What thought motivated my response?)
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
4 – WHY DO I THINK THIS?
(Why do I think the above? It doesn't have to be rational or mature)
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
5 – AM I AFRAID OF SOMETHING HAPPENING, IF SO WHAT?
(What did I fear at the time OR what did I fear would happen?)
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
6 – WHAT BELIEF OR WHAT DID I BELIEVE CAUSED ME DO TO DO WHAT I DID (out of fear)?
(what did I think at the time that made me do what I did?)
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
7 – HOW DOES THIS BELIEF AFFECT ME? (Thoughts, feelings and actions)
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
8 – AS A NEURODIVERGENT/DISABILITY PERSON IS THIS BELIEF WORKING FOR ME? If not? Why not?
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
9 – WOULD I LIKE TO BELIEVE SOMETHING DIFFERENT WHICH ADJUSTS TO ACCOMMODATINGRR MY COMPLEX NEURODIVERGENT/DISABILITY MIND, BODY AND HEART? If so what?
(If the previous belief isn't serving me well, I can create a new belief that is kind and loving)
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
10 – WHAT CAN I DO IF ANYTHING TO LOVE AND LOOK AFTER MY NEURODIVERGENT/DISABILITY SELF?
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
MOVE _ NOW
To embrace a new thought and begin to abandon a belief that has caused pain or discomfort I can work out what I can do now and in the future. I can quickly change a worn-out belief or idea by changing what I do:
take new actions for new experiences.
EMBRACE
I am willing to embrace the awareness, I am uncomfortable with
(the belief that I discovered in question 6)
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STRETCH
If I am willing to stretch my truth ...
Whether I accept it or not, is it still true the belief makes me feel uncomfortable?
If, 'Yes it is.'
SOAR
Am I willing to soar beyond what I am currently thinking, doing or experiencing?
If, 'Yes I am.'
What can I do to love and look after myself and/or child?
(Having embraced what it is that makes me feel uncomfortable what can I DO that would be loving and kind toward myself)
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TIP: I write a list of the things I was DOING that comes from the belief – answered in question 6 – and write a list of doing the exact opposite :)