TRAUMATISED CHILDREN REQUIRE LOVING PRESENCE
My autistic child's Psychologist explained that trauma is caused when something happened or happens where we don't have a choice or any control over a/or many painful experiences/events.
My child suffered from CPTSD (Complex Post Trauma Stress Disorder) as their trauma lasted years from the stress of educational schooling.
My child wouldn't/couldn't leave the house due to trauma and for a while I continued to force them out the door.
My child wouldn't/couldn't get out of the car to go to school and for way too long I forced them to.
My child would yell, scream, uncontrollably cry, not breathe, panic and say horrendous things and for a while I tried to stop them with anger, domination and fear.
I continued their trauma because of the pressure and terror of what others (family, friends, services, professionals, strangers) would think if I didn't FORCE my child do what they're 'meant' to do.
A child is 'meant' to go to school, get out of the house, the door, the car when you tell them to.
A child is 'meant' to go to bed, go to sleep, stay asleep, not interrupt, not speak, not disturb, not carry on, not disrespect when told.
And when I FORCED them instead of listening, helping, loving and healing my already traumatised child I continued their trauma.
Dominating my child to gain control or anything else out of fear and anger traumatised them more.
I was that anxious parent, still can be, due to the PRESSURE of judging, not understanding eyes from everyone looking from the outside in, not the inside out.
Whenever my child is distressed, fight, flight, freeze, angry, swearing, yelling, crying, not breathing or panicking I bring them love.
I put aside what I think I know.
I bring compassion and assist my child through their mental and emotional torment and pain.
I let others judge us - to save my child and I.
As Bruce Perry says, parents don't need to be professionals to heal their children, they only need to be PRESENT.
At times when I can't be present (because I am a traumatised autistic human too) I do absolutely nothing until I can.
Bringing healing to my child when I too am traumatised is the HARDEST thing I've been required to do as a human.
And that healing love frees us both.