I'm letting go of the criticisers in my mind.
It's unloving to continuously doubt myself because of what judgemental friends have said to me. There's something unhelpful to focus on the negative thoughts others have done rather than focus on the positive things others say that I am. I took a closer look at this asking myself these questions;
What is disturbing me?
The negative judgemental things my friends have said about me
What did I do or not do in response to the disturbance?
I question myself all the time whether or not what they believe is true or not.
Why did I do or not do?
Well, maybe they're right because no one else will tell me and they say it with absolute conviction.
Why do I think this way?
Only real friends will tell me the negative things about me I don't want to hear especially if they say it with conviction.
What am I afraid of?
I am all the negative things they convincingly say I am.
What do I believe caused me to do what I've done or not?
People who are judgmental are right because they are convinced that they are and they're not afraid to speak up about it.
What can I believe now which is more aligned with who I really am?
Judgemental people are merely judgmental.
Being aware that judgmental people are judgmental puts the responsibility where it belongs - back onto those who think they know everything there is to know but don't know much. They have only a tiny part of a story or none, and that's how they make their judgements, which are usually incorrect.
It's also judgments they have of themselves.
There's not much room to be human with judgmental people. They drive me crazy because they fuel the damaging old thinking I desire to be free from - that I must be perfect to be okay. They're allowed to make mistakes and be believed however it usually doesn't go both ways. It doesn't seem to be reciprocal. Judgemental people are unfair in their thinking. I'd say dishonest about themselves just like I have been when I have negatively judged someone.
I'm not perfect, and neither is anyone else.
Others are always doing their best even at their worst. Who really truly wants to be at their worst? No one in their right mind wants to be their worst. Lots of things happened to me to be at my worst, and when my friends were busy judging me, I was going through one of the toughest times of my life (sobriety) that lasted some years. No doubt people wanted me to hurry up through my tough time, just like I wanted to, however sometimes in life tough times last a long time and it's about doing my best at my worst.
Who am I going to have in my life when I'm my best at my worst?
Do I want judgemental people who are convinced they are right telling me things no one else will say to me? Or do I need people in my life who desire to understand love and accept me through a traumatic time in my life celebrating all the small steps I take forward?
Being negatively judged doesn't inspire me.
Being loved and accepted inspires me. Judgemental people are not truly capable of SEEING or HEARING ME. If they were able to, they would have seen a person faced with insurmountable challenges doing brilliantly under the circumstances rather than a flawed, incapable and wrong person.
Being negatively judgemental squashes the human spirit.
I now have the experience to know this and do differently as I aspire to rise and soar. I'm the one who actually knows what I've been through, what I faced, what I courageously did to get to where I am today. I am now better equipped to SEE and HEAR people when they are sharing with me. I can positively SEE and HEAR and acknowledge greatness in others when they are struggling and tell I them so. Some basic things I now know. People will never be able to tell me everything there is to know about themselves, their lives and situations they are in.
It's not humanly possible.
There's always mystery. I know this because I'm mostly a mystery to myself and that's after decades of studying myself! Ha! As I'm typing my words, I am still working things out. I haven't met or read about a human that has worked out all there is to know about themselves. So this gives me an open mind to know the other person doesn't truly know therefore I won't entirely either. It is better to listen to understand and share my stories to acknowledge the positive things about the other, what they are doing or aiming to do.
Spot the beauty in the unseen.
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