"HARASSMENT OF OTHERS"
According to the Pathology of PDA by professionals PDA children harass particular others. For us, it is more about an incredible type of engagement, an engagement from my child that I no longer view as annoying as I once did (when I was not connected). My child has a brilliant and beautiful mind, and I welcome them to express all their thoughts, feelings and ideas with me.
I love this about them. I feel blessed.
When my child is in a super focus (hyperfocus - special interest) their whole mind and body are engaged in a particular activity. The force to ‘do’ overrides everything else. ‘It’ must be done. ‘It’ must be done now and with me (I'm the particular "target") as I’m the one they trust and feel safe with because I love them deeply and will never abandon them.
So they come to me to help them achieve whatever it is that must be done.
My child worked out a few years ago, that when they get an idea that incites excitement or motivation, they need to do it pretty much immediately. I am the same. Why? Because if we don’t and that drive of willingness to do that ‘something’ can and will pass and then we’ve missed the opportunity. An opportunity that may not come back to us again. It can be lost forever. For example, when I am inspired to create a painting if I don’t get on with painting, soon enough that inspiration dies, the painting doesn’t get done.
Or that idea I had is gone forever.
We have so much going on in our minds that we process it by getting it out through output. Ours is mostly speaking and song. We can get excited about our ideas, experiences and imaginings. We love sharing our joys, passions and hyperfocus with others, those we feel safe. Those we feel safe with can become our "targets". My child "targets" me and I "target" my parent. What we say feels more important than what the parent has to say. It's just the way it is with us! LOL
We can "harass" our "target" when we can’t work something or someone out.
We will not be at ease until we do. The pressure we feel inside that comes with not solving a problem creates anxiety/panic. There's a lot of information to hold in our heads to process. It becomes "TOO MUCH". So we will find that person we feel safe with ("target a particular person") to output our thoughts, feelings and bodily experiences to relieve this pressure creating an "anxiety-driven need to control and avoid demands and expectations";
We output our worries, fears, confusions, uncertainties, memories and experiences.
Growing up, I was not connected or aware of my brilliant and beautiful mind. I didn’t know it had the gift of autodidact hyperfocus. Instead of channelling my minds abilities upon my passions, things I loved, I became consumed trying to work out human beings who were deeply confusing to me. They say one thing and do another. They expect me to read their minds and cultures. They expect how they live and see the world to be how I should.
So I became "obsessive" (hyperfocus to solve problems) in all areas of my life.
As a child I wasn’t one to harass my parent. To me I found them to be angry and unavailable all of the time – lost in the world of their own mind (traumatised PDA autistic who didn’t know and misdiagnosed as bipolar and self-diagnosed alcoholic).
I didn't get to output my thoughts, feelings and experiences.
These were internalised. Not nurtured. Not heard. Not supported and my needs were not attended to so they turned against me. My thoughts (trying to help and protect me) 'always on the lookout' to protect me from TOO MUCH PRESSURE evolved to OCD subtypes like disordered eating and body image, Relationship, Responsibility and Harm OCD, Perfectionism and lots more.
I didn’t like pressuring others.
I was terrified I’d gross them out by my behaviour because I subconsciously knew how much I hated others pressure. However, there was one love interest that my mind latched on to, and I harassed them. This became another misplaced hyperfocus.
My normal was to misplace all my hyperfocus’s.
I missed out experiencing the joy of living through passions that thrill and excite my whole being. I can better understand some friends who as soon as they sense or when I have expressed a boundary that I am not available in the way that they desire they engage in harassing behaviours. This is what my child does.
When I’m not available to my child, it kicks off a panic.
A type of panic that they have to control the situation, me, to feel safe and okay again. My child will harass me until I am available and will not stop until I am. As their responsive parent and 24/7 carer, I attend to their hyperfocus or need to solve a problem, as it is always an opportunity for my child to express who they are, process what they are learning either about their current passion or relationship with others and society.
These are precious moments to engage with, to assist my child in becoming the individual human they are born to be.
With adults though, where I am not available in the way they desire me to are to respect my decisions. I am not responsible for them as I am for the child I brought into this world. The person I harassed, my love interest, (or any love interest) automatically becomes responsible for me. In fact in the past when I have established a relationship with someone my mind tells me I don’t have to do anything anymore (especially daily responsibilities like paying bills or working for someone else) because the other person will do it for me and my whole body feels relieved.
Even though I know, it's not healthy or realistic.
IIt’s like seeking out someone who will relieve me of the pressures of the world that cause panic within me. I have had many friends where it gets to a point where I feel solely responsible for them (I'm their 'target' for their output and regulation). I can feel accountable (pressured) to relieve them of the pressures and the panic they are experiencing. If I don’t, I find they harass me, just like my child.
BLAMING OF OTHERS
We have big feelings, and when something doesn’t go right we feel deeply disappointed, annoyed, regretful and sad, just like others, however, perhaps more so? These intense feelings internalise as pressure., as Information overload. To feel these feelings (information overload) and also admit at the same time that we were solely or partly responsible for causing ourselves such pain can feel TOO MUCH process or handle.
It can be easier to accept our part after the experience, rarely when the overwhelming experience is happening.
I remember this when my child is upset. I know we can talk about a situation at another time when they are calm. For my child, I find they are open to talk about things at bedtime. When they are not, they tell me, and I stop talking about it.
I demonstrate their 'no', their boundaries, are respected.
When some desire isn’t fulfilled, we quickly think it's someone else's fault. It can’t be ours. If it’s ours, then we are required to be responsible and change how we do things next time, if there is a next time. We can hold grudges for a lifetime by not taking responsibility for something going wrong. The interesting thing is that we are blamed often for things that are not our fault too. Others don't like us practising autonomy in thought or action when we say ‘no’. It can interfere with their wants, hopes, desires and needs and can cause them great upset.
Quite a human thing to do.
We can have fixed ideas or understandings of things, just like neurotypical humans. Sometimes it can take a long time before we can see it from a different perspective, and other times never shift our thinking on a particular thing. Just like non-autistic humans do, such as how, where and how fast we should learn, socialise, communicate, behave, think. Including what we should be interested in, how we should play, how we dress and how we express ourselves. And the list goes on and on.
Thus that's how we get programs that are about intervention; fixing, changing, curing and/or hurrying us up to be ABLE just like non-autistics.
Rather than fight our minds way of processing, my child and I embrace how we think, right or wrong. It's okay to think the way we do; we are all entitled to this; it's our individuality. Others are entitled to believe how they do, and so are we.
As my parent would say "where all up to where we're up to'.
STRETCH _ EMBRACE _ SOAR
Whether I accept this or not, or have a diagnosis or not,
it is still true,
that I, my child and/or my family have individualised diverse needs
who require humans who are ACCEPTING of our neurodivergence.
INTRAPERSONAL CREATIVE QUEST
To love, trust, revel and lead with our beautiful autistic minds
through knowing and acting on our Roarheart
the inner inexplainable knowledge and truth
~ our intuition ~
Reflect and create a picture or journal the answer to;
Have I thought, felt, done or experienced things like this?
Share with another anything discovered in the Sacred Writing/Creating.
Does my child or I 'harass' (seeks understanding and connection with another) or 'blame' particular others and what drives them and/or I to do so?
I pause with quiet reflection upon those moments where my child and/or myself have harassed or blamed particular others.
TODAY’S THANK YOU
I am willing to THANK all my regretful, angry, fearful and negative thoughts I may have.
I will trust, even if I don’t want to, all that I am aware of now, is how it is has meant to be – to be open to something new.
I am willing to put aside everything I think I know about myself/child, my life, my past and my future, to have an open mind and a new experience with being aware of my child and/or myself harass or blame particular others.
I am open to the possibility of moving from the AWARENESS of my child and/or myself harassing or blaming others ACCEPTING this is what my child and/or I can do, receiving new thoughts to love, trust, revel and lead with our Roarheart [our inexplainable inner knowledge and truth – our intuition] learning how to know, direct and master our individualised lives.