It was 24 years

Living in my head

Unaware of the present moment

Before my parent took me

Through a series of questions

They created. Innovation is a strength for autistics.

That brought me out of

The film I was watching

And reacting to

In my head

Playing on and on and on

About the past

Causing guilt, anger and grief

That I could have

Should have

Done different some how.

About the future

Causing fear and terror

That whatever was going to happen

It wasn't going to be good.

Catastrophising is another Thing I do as an autistic.

And about fantasy

Causing disappointed

That I have not lived up to

My or others expectations.

I was in deep emotional pain

And mental torment Reaction to the stories Playing in my mind.

Then my parent asked me:


Well I was anywhere but in the moment.

It took me ages to understand the question.

Then bam!

I saw the room I was sitting in.

The walls.

The curtains.


The only thing real

Was right in front of me!

And I had missed it all along.

I thought the moment Was boring at first.

Nothing really goes on

In the moment

When I'm not reacting to the

Film in my head.

There's no drama.

Until I learnt how to be

Truly present

I learnt it was the only place

I could truly create

And connect to others.

And now with my child.

I see all the detail of life

When I can be out of my head

And with what is now.

Is a powerful place to be.

#Roarheart #FAN #ActuallyAutistic #Present #LivingInTheMoment #Connection